Unedited Version Of Myself
06/29/2012
Warning: A lot of rambling and the hardest post I’ve ever had to hit the publish button on. I’ve proof read this post about 348394 times in the last hour and as I get ready to push that button my heart is already beating irregular and my chest is all blotchy. (You’ll understand why after you read this.)
[Source]
I’ve been wanting to post something like this for awhile now, but I tend to type it up and then delete it a few days later or I just don’t know how to form the sentences. Most of the time I start it and can never finish it. So who knows if I will ever push the “publish” button on this. But after reading so many bloggers Haven 2012 recaps, I know I need to get this off of my chest. Because I think I’m holding myself back from Haven 2013. Let me rephrase that, I know I’m holding myself back from Haven 2013 and I’m terrified.
So let’s just get into it, shall we.
I don’t want people thinking that I’m something or someone I’m not. I have no idea how I come across thru this blog or what people thing of me, or Travis, or my life. I have no idea the first impressions that I gave to anyone that came onto Mailbox Journey for the first time. These are things that people normally tell you and then you’re in shock about how you come across and then you change your ways of blogging.
I’ve been trying to put as much of myself into my blog (& the blogs’ twitter & instagram accounts) as I can. I just want people to know the real me, and I guess like me for the real me. I’ve been trying to live by this quote:
Your blog is your unedited version of yourself.Nothing is perfect on this blog. I’ve tweaked this layout 349839428 times because I’m slightly OCD when it comes to layouts looking perfect. One day it looks great, the next day I hate it. I don’t take beautiful pictures either. I’ve had my DSLR for two years now and I’m still learning how to work the darn thing. I use to be really into photography when I was a teenager, and then the “real-world” took over my life.
My life is not perfect. My car breaks down all the time. Travis and I fight about the most ridiculous things. I don’t own an awesome wardrobe, I’m lucky that I even found an outfit that matches to wear to work today, well okay. It sort-of matches. I don’t have an amazing career, in fact, I don’t even have a career, I have a job and I don’t even like my job. I don’t have oodles & oodles of money, I’m still working on paying around $17,000 of debt off. I hate the city I live in, and most days our apartment too.
All of this brings me back to the top of this post; Things I’m afraid to tell you.
I’m Awkward. Seriously. I’m the shyest person you’ve probably ever met. I really hate being in a room of people that I don’t know or being introduced to a bunch of people at once. My tongue basically disappears and I don’t have any words to say. If I’m just being introduced to one person, I can handle it. Otherwise, my anxiety is thru the roof.
I have an anxiety disorder. I haven’t taken medicine for it since I was 17 because I know I can conquer this on my own. When I’m not stressed out, my anxiety just about disappears. But when I’m stressed, which is about 98% of the time, I’m a mess. I’m really, really hard on myself. I don’t know why, maybe it has to do with constantly trying to get someone’s approval or having someone say they are proud of me. Whatever it is, I’m trying to work thru it. But with the mixture of the stress + constant approval from people I get panic attacks, heart palptations, irregular heartbeats, and heat flashes, and a red blotchy rash all over my chest.
I have a drug-abuse & depression filled past. I had a really rough time from the time I hit middle school until I was 19. Between the changes that came from middle school (hello gossip & two-faced people), my grandparents passing away 6 months apart and the other crazy things that happened in my life I was a mess. I hated everything and everyone, including myself. I was put on medicine, a heart monitor and I saw a therapist a few times. Which by the way, none of that helped. If I have anyone to thank for pulling me out of the complete mess I got myself in, it was Travis. He just kind of grabbed me and yanked me out of the world I was living in. I am so clear headed now, but I’m still dealing with the consequences for everything that happened in my past and trying to sort out my life.
I don’t get along with girls. Don’t take offense to this at all. I have NOT had any issues with any of the girls that comment on this blog. In fact, I think you girls are all awesome and I wonder why my high school was not filled with girls like you. But anyways, thru high school I had one true friend that was a girl. The rest were completely two-faced or “too cool” to even be seen standing next to me. I didn’t really fit into a “clique” in high school. I talked to “the nerds” and I was friends with “the dirties”, and “the jocks” and even some of “the druggies”. So, I just kind of talked to whoever was nice. If you were nice to me, then I was nice to you. I still dealt with my share of “bullying” even though I was being nice to everyone. The typical short jokes, and I even had to deal with some other bashing, because one of my closest friends throughout my childhood decided it was best not to talk to me anymore because she was now in the “in” crowd. But looking back I only had 1 friend that was a girl that I am still friends with to this day. The rest of my friend were dudes, and in college, dudes. So imagine my shock when I enter the blog world, which is mostly dominated by girls, and I actually get along with them and everyone is so nice to each other.
But this brings me to my next point. I was really hoping to really, really connect with someone thru this whole blog thing. We all envy the Sherry Petersik & Katie Bower love fest going on, and I thought maybe possibly I’d find that whole life-twin thing like Jes & Shannon have going on. Because let’s face it. I have NO ONE to talk to about anything in my life. I don’t get along with my sister most days, Travis is usually working when I need to vent, and my friend from high school is now married and has a child, so I really don’t want to call her up to vent about anything, when she’s trying to feed her son. Basically, I haven’t had a “best friend” (besides Travis) since 11th grade. I’ve done this whole “hold everything in and explode thing” because I don’t tell anyone anything. I don’t trust people. I hate judgmental people. and I just don’t “click” with anybody.
I did this whole blog thing so I could escape from my job, to lower my stress level, to be creative again, to have fun and just maybe to find a BFF. I’ve pretty much accomplished most of that, and I’m still loving this whole blog-world thing. My readers are amazing, the comments you all leave me make me smile, and I love all of the inspiration I see on a daily basis, but I haven’t really truly connected with anybody. I kind of feel like a loner, I guess. Which is what I’ve felt like my entire life. A Loner. Me against the world. Nobodies got your back but yourself. & I guess I’m just sick of playing that role.
So, basically what I’m trying to say through all of this rambling, is that I’m going to try to come out of my shell & my comfort zone and be as real as possible in this blogging journey. I’m here. I’m weird. I’m real. Until you know, someone mentions this post to me face to face, and I change the subject or run off into a hole. & if you see me at Haven 2013 or SNAP 2013, the end of the world is probably coming. Or I just started to feel like I belong.
Posted on June 19, 2013 - 46 comments
Filed Under: My Life
46 Comments
I try to reply to each comment and if I do so you'll be notified via email.
Thank you so much for your kind words, suggestions, opinions,
constructive criticism and just for reading in general.
Without you this blog would not be possible, so thank you! ♥
June 29, 2012 at 2:14 pm
So. Many. Things. To. Say. But my head is scrambly and I’m awkward and closed off. Soo…just know that I GET IT. You are NOT alone in feeling the way you do.
Maybe I’ll see you at Haven in 2013 – I’m super pissed that so many of those who did go to Haven seem to think that they’re the only bloggers that exist. Colour me grumpy.
This comment makes little to no sense….sorry, haha.
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June 29th, 2012 at 2:14 pm
haha, I loved your comment, Ashley.
so glad to know that I’m not alone. :)
Haven 2013, let the awkwards unite!
I have to say that most people that went to Haven all seemed to know each other, but I haven’t even heard of most of them before.
& your comment makes total sense. :)
June 29, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Hi Melanie! I check in here once in a while and just had to comment today. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Wouldn’t it be amazing if all us lonely people could get together and know one another exists?! I hope you can find some ways to quiet your head. I find that’s the only way I escape some of these things. Books, movies, exercise, basically anything that allows you to focus on one thing. Just know you are NOT alone!
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June 29th, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Aw, thank you so much Sherri!
Comments like yours are what keep me going.
So glad you stopped by. :)
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Dude. I think all bloggers are awkward. It’s probably a requirement that we’re all unaware of.
I also struggle with anxiety issues. I don’t blog about it but it’s part of me. I think my high-strungness shows through. I go to the doctor once a year to get my crazy fast heart rate checked out. There’s nothing wrong with me….other than it’s anxiety. I ignore it because who wants to be medicated (coming from a pharmacist)?
I feel like you’ve started to develop your “blogging voice” the past month or so. You know, the thing that sets you apart from the other 1 million bloggers out there. Keep it up!
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June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
I talked to YHL Sherry about my awkwardness and Haven and she said the same thing, she was like we are all awkward! It’s a big awkward-filled fest. This whole awkwardness & anxiety thing must go hand in hand. The more awkward you are, the longer you last in this crazy blog world. Get ready Michelle, we’re going to be blogging until were 90.
My heart rate gets up to 180 when I’m sleeping, not sure if that’s good or bad, but I know what you mean. I absolutely hate being medicated. Plus, I can’t really swallow pills all that well. lol.
& thanks. I’ve just kind of been trying to let me freak flag fly.
June 30th, 2012 at 4:04 am
I’m definitely awkward, too, and super shy! When I met my boyfriend I met him together with a huge group of his friends/teammates and I kinda didn’t want to hang out with them at first, because of how others had treated me in the past. Once I realized they were all awesome, everything was perfect.
It’s hard to put yourself out there, but you’re doing great. And if you ever need to vent, I’m all ears! Even though I’m thousands of miles away, that’s why the internet was invented :)
June 30th, 2012 at 11:11 am
Thank you! :) So glad you’re group of friends are so nice & caring. The internet is definitely amazing.
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Thanks for quoting me, and for living up to the excellent example of what I meant by that quote.
And so glad that you are finding out that you are not alone. Your story is the story of millions who feel the same way. How do I know? Many come to my site to get help on learning how to blog because they need a place to vent and share their own stories, and they have told me how alone and lost they feel in a world that appears to ignore them or be a painful place to exist.
Luckily, blogging and social media opens up incredible ways to interact. I can go from virtual to person instantly and find friends all around the world I haven’t met yet. It’s incredible. I’ve friends that will be friends for life all over the web that I’ve never met. I got a chance to meet one of them last fall who lives in Australia and we got on like house on fire in person, never losing all we had virtually with our friendship. It’s so much fun.
Hang in there. While finding out that you are not alone nor special in your feelings may or may not help, I’m glad that you are living by example, helping others to have the confidence to express themselves openly. That’s HUGE.
Thank you for that.
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June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
The response to this post is blowing my mind. I thought I would post it, no one would say a word and then I’d make another quick post, so this one would get brushed under the rug.
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such an inspiring comment.
Thank you. :)
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm
” I’m here. I’m weird. I’m real.” Made me giggle, but not in the bad way. More so in the way that goodness knows I’m weird as I can be! Shoot, I work with poop and love it, that alone makes me a special one lol. And I get what you mean about wanting to vent to the person you love the most and they can’t be there. Between Forrest being in the Army or stuck at work, I’ve done more than my fair share of blowing up at him for not answering his phone even though I knew he couldn’t (not to mention I’m all hormonal and I’m pretty sure I yelled at him last night for not rubbing my swollen feet the right way). Basically what I’m trying to say is I understand. I was the only girl in my major at college, one of five women at my job, and I have my fair share of past problems that I still struggle with. You are by no means alone :) Hope you have a wonderful weekend and thank you for opening up and sharing something so personal!
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June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
That’s going to turn into my slogan, haha. I’m here. I’m weird. I’m real.
Thank you so much for the comment, Amanda. It means so much. :)
& I have to be nosey, what do you do that you work with poop? LOL.
June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
I am a chemist at a waste water treatment plant. I like to say I have the crappiest job in the whole city :)
June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
hahaha, and they probably don’t think you mean that you literally do! :P
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Big internet hug for you! <3
This comment may be a little long winded, so I apologize in advance, but I just want you to know that I get it. And I know things like this can be hard to talk about.
The anxiety I understand you a bit on – Few people know about this but I have a social anxiety to where outwardly I seem fine, just shy, but inside my mind starts freaking out, my heart beats rapidly in my chest and I start sweating a lot. (Apparently I play it cool enough that Charlie didn't even know about it until a little over a year ago when I told him) I prefer staying at home than going out somewhere, even to the grocery store. It's not crippling – I've gotten to the point that I will force myself to do things, but it's hard.
I picked up blogging because I thought it would be fun and help me with the anxiety, but didn't think anyone would actually read it. Then a few readers trickled in and started talking to me and I loved it. It's hard, yet, but it's so fun to talk to others through the blog. It makes it all worth it in the end.
Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone – We are all crazy in our own little ways. And if you ever want to chat, feel free to drop me an email!
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June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Aw, thank you Debbie!
Oh god, the sweating.. I forgot to mention that. I find that when I force myself to go somewhere, it gets easier. Or force myself into uncomfortable situations it gets easier as well.
I think you need a big internet hug back. :)
Again, thank you for the comment.
We are definitely all crazy in our own little ways, and I love it.
<3
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Be prepared for the longest comment in the history of the universe (at least that’s how I’m feeling before I start writing it).
I’ll start with Haven 2012. I would have loved to have gone. But now seeing all of the pictures it does very much seem like everyone knew everyone and I’m pretty sure no one would have known me either. I’d love to say I’d go in 2013, but that’s unlikely. I personally have a tendency to either be the queen bee (not in a high school way) or a complete outsider. There’s no inbetween for me. I don’t do it on purpose, I just don’t adapt quickly to new situations (and I have trouble remembering names), so I completely understand where you’re coming from. The trick is to not be afraid, which is of course much easier said than done.
I think everyone that puts a piece of themselves online, whether on Facebook or on a blog, is hoping to connect to someone new. I’ve followed the love affair of both Sherry & Katie and Jes & Shannon (and a few others) and even though for me they seem out of the ordinary I guess they really aren’t. If you want that, my suggestion would be to find someone you feel like you connect to and go for it. Start with emails or twittering back and forth. There’s no reason you can’t have one of those, it would just take some work and some awkwardness to probably start.
Don’t be afraid of your past. Own it. It’s what made you who you are today. Everyone has something in their past that they aren’t proud of (I know I do, I even have current things that I’m not proud of that I want to admit to sometimes on my blog but can’t since my grandparents read it), just don’t let them bring you down.
Girls get better as you get older. The catty stuff goes away and you’ll find that the people you thought were terrible in high school (and most likely were then) are just normal, regular old people now. It will happen, but it might take a few more years.
I like reading your blog regardless of your confessions because I think you seem like a great person. I would love to be your friend IRL, but I’ve always been awkward in transitioning from online to person.
Oh, and just so you don’t feel so exposed (and because I’m far from perfect) here are a few things I’d confess to if my grandparents didn’t read my blog: 1. I smoke, 2. I drink a few times a week, 3. My finances are far from perfect but I’m working on it, 4. Kevin frequently gets the heck on my nerves, 5. I’m quite messy (as in I haven’t folded my laundry in about 2 months). That’s all I can think of.
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June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
And the award for longest comment goes too…
haha, but in all serious-ness. Thank you. I love what you said, and it actually does help me in certain areas. I don’t think the girls are old enough yet to get rid of the catty-ness, I still see it on facebook from time to time, which is probably why I’ve dwindled my friends list down to like 80 people, but we’re only 23, so we’ll see.
I’ve always been awkward with the online to in person transition too, which is weird since we both met our men online… lol.
Don’t worry about the laundry, I always have wash baskets on top of wash baskets stacked up in the bedroom, because I hate hanging clothes up. Have you ever heard of a walk-in closet that does not have any rods to hang things, but only shelves, because I’ll be having one of those. ha.
Thanks again, Brandi! <3
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Truth has a way of attracting attention. It’s a rare and precious gem everyone wants to examine and praise.
You’re on the right track. Don’t stop!
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June 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Honesty is definitely a rare thing in the world these days.
Thank you! :)
June 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm
I think it’s sometimes hard to let your real voice show through in written word because there is no inflection, no feeling, no real way to hear sarcasm or a joke… so I often find myself wording and re-wording things over and over because I’m worried about how I’ll come off. But you’re doing a great job with your blog – Keep it up.
I have anxiety issues too. I’ve been medicated too. I hate it too. I literally struggle with it every day and it is SO hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have to deal with it personally. D is understanding, but doesn’t understand, if that makes sense? I’m glad you have Travis. He seems wonderful.
And yeah. Girls can be vicious. But not all girls! Try to remember that. :) I hope you start to feel like you’re making connections, because I believe your readers feel like they can connect with you…
Great post. :)
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June 29th, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I think your posts are great, I love your witty sense of humor, especially your captions of Junior.
It is really hard for people to understand that don’t have to deal with it. My mom is always asking me about the rash that I get on my chest from anxiety and she doesn’t understand that I can’t help it or make it go away, I just have to breathe. Travis is definitely wonderful, but I’d like to strangle him sometimes, haha.
I’ll have to remember that about girls. I always reject them right away, just because they are a girl. But I hate being judgmental like that. But I’ve really let my guard down with all of the girls in the blog world and I don’t reject them. I embrace them. It’s an amazing feeling.
Thanks Amy. :)
June 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Do you want to do a pretend Haven here in PA? Haha we can like…I don’t know…paint shit together…Im only like 30 minutes away.
No but seriously, I think we are all awkward, I know I REALLY am. I am kind of afraid that I might ever meet anyone in real life that reads my blog, because they would see just how bad it really is. People are always telling me that they think I am a good writer, and I know that it is just because in real life I have trouble stringing together enough words to make a coherent sentence, my writing is nothing special – but its WAY beyond my speaking ability. I think we are just all imperfect beings…don’t let anyone fool you. If they look like they have all their balls in the air, you can be assured that behind the scenes they feel like they are failing on one level or another. We just dont typically air that dirt, you know?
I don’t even know if my comment is making sense, but I hope you know that you have a lot of support here online. You are a great blogger, and as long as you are getting enjoyment out of your blog, I think you should definitely keep it up! I love seeing a new post from Mailbox Journey pop up in my google reader!
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June 29th, 2012 at 5:17 pm
We can like, paint shit together… hahahah. I love that. You’re awesome, Bekah. I know you lived in York, but I don’t know where y’all are moving to? Only 30 minutes, ah! Let’s do something. :)
& I’ve thought the same thing about being afraid of someone out in the “real world” recognizing me from my blog.
Your comment made total sense. And that last paragraph was so sweet! Thank you. :)
Now let’s paint shit!
June 29, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Hi Melanie, I know you’re probably overwhelmed with (yet welcome) all of the comments today, but I wanted to comment too! ;)
I know how you feel and I’m the same way. We haven’t had the exact same life experiences, but I always felt kind of like an outcast that didn’t totally belong anywhere either. I also just tried to hang out with people who were nice and stay away from rude judgmental people. I think part of the reason why the blogging world is so supportive is because everyone kind of feels that way. I’m sure even the “popular” people felt lonely for different reasons. And no one person can fill that hole in your life. For me, only God/Jesus fills that hole because He is always there. We can’t fully trust anyone not to hurt us. People just aren’t 100% dependable. That doesn’t mean there aren’t good people out there, and even when you feel like you don’t belong, that other person might be feeling the same way as you. But we all hide that part of ourselves because we think others will think we’re weird if they know that about us. We all have insecurities. And in the blogging world, everyone feels like they can finally just be themselves, and who cares if someone doesn’t like it. There will be enough supportive people out there to outweigh those people.
Just keep taking care of yourself, Melanie :)
~Lisha
p.s. I’ve never even heard of Haven 2013… lol
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June 29th, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Thank you Lisha. :)
They are a bit overwhelming, but so amazing.
Haven is a new blog conference. It was just held last week in Georgia. All of the “big” bloggers were there and Young House Love was the keynote speaker. There is also a blog conference called Snap which is in Utah.
June 30, 2012 at 9:09 am
This post actually made me happy. That sounds bad, but it’s good to know other people have the same issues! I’m so glad you shared yours. I don’t get personal on my blog because I don’t want family and Tyler’s friends to judge me anymore than they already do. I’m sure we all put up all kinds of fronts because we don’t know who reads or what they’ll think. If I could be honest, I’d post about my anxiety attacks, sitting at home alone all the time, feeling like an outcast because I don’t drink, or how awkward I am in groups of people I don’t know. I love that you’re honest. Even your video post about your accent was honest and open and I could never do something like that. So let that flag fly for all of us who are wimps! =)
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June 30th, 2012 at 11:11 am
Aw, thanks Stephanie. :) Maybe my blog could be our little sanctuary for everyone with anxiety issues who can’t post about it. :)
June 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Thank you for being so honest with us about who you are and how you’re feeling. The women I have “met” through blogging amaze me too! I wish we all went to highschool together. What a blast we would have had. And to echo what almost everyone else is saying … We’re all awkaward!! I think it’s just a part of becoming an adult and being more aware of how uncomfortable and vulnerable opening up, meeting people and taking risks can make us.
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June 30th, 2012 at 12:12 pm
could you imagine if we all went to high school together. We would end up painting the hallways and putting window boxes full of flowers around the building. It’d be the prettiest high school ever. haha.
July 2, 2012 at 7:07 am
Hi Melanie,
I am always so impressed by your honesty and strength and this post is no exception.
I’m sending you an email!
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July 2nd, 2012 at 8:08 am
Thanks Annabel! & your email was so sweet. :)
July 2, 2012 at 10:10 am
Being awkward is a blogging requirement. I don’t have an anxiety disorder, at least I don’t think I do, but many bloggers do. I think that’s an optional requirement. It probably makes bloggers even better bloggers. Like, the more issues you have, the better blogger you’ll be. ;)
When I was at Haven, I was talking with Allison from House of Hepworth’s and she said that her blog became more successful when she started to put more of herself into her blog and write with her voice. Sherry from YHL said that same thing. In the early days they would try to be professional, but threw that out the window and started to write with their voices. And look at where they are now.
Just be you, and everything else will fall into place.
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July 2nd, 2012 at 11:11 am
I’ve realized that over the last few days, that it is basically a requirement. haha.
Thanks Chelsea. :)
July 2, 2012 at 10:10 am
Mel, I totally get you. Every word, every feeling you have…totally understandable. I’m shy, awkward and for lack of a better word, weird also. I used to get criticized by a certain family member for being “weird” like it was just as bad as being a b***ch, but honestly, I’d rather be weird and awkward than be that! I get you, when you say that it’s hard for u to get along with girls too. In hs, a lot of my girlfriends, I thought were my real friends, ditched me too…i felt so heartbroken, and it was during my sr year, when you were supposed to have the time of your life…sucked! I’m a lil’ apprehensive about going to any blog conferences too, actually. A lot of people in one big space, what if i end up alone? what if other bloggers meet me and decide that I really am weird?…the list of insecurities goes on. But I’d like to go someday, maybe I’ll do it someday, we’ll see =) You’re not alone Mel, we all have our insecurities. You’re awesome, I wouldn’t follow you or talk to you if u weren’t =) keep it up! XO
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July 2nd, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I get criticized too from certain people. My own sister tells me that I’m a “bitch” because I’m not “BFF’s” with everyone I meet. (She instantly becomes best friends with every single person she meets).
Us weird ones need to stick together. We have an entire community now. :P
My senior year was the same way. I actually ended up going to night school because of it.
Just remember, if you go to a blog conference and I’m there, we can hangout. :) So neither of us will be alone. We’ll have fun.
Thank you so much for reading & leaving a comment. :)
July 2, 2012 at 11:11 am
Wow. Such an encouraging post and so many encouraging comments! I can be awkward because I’m a talker. 100% extroverted over here! And I will tell you just about anything! Sometimes even my closest friends get awkward around me because I tell them too much haha! My blog is just an extra place for me to talk to people and make new friends (which I totally didn’t think would happen!) I am who I am both IRL and on my blog. And I’m Haven 2013 or bust, so you’ll definitely have someone to hang out with if you go! ;)
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July 2nd, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Tickets go on sale for SNAP in September & I don’t know when Haven’s do, but I’ll have to see if I have the funds & force myself to go. :P
July 2, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Okay, I don’t know how in the world I missed this post over the weekend.
First of all… hugs hugs and more hugs. <3
Second of all… AMEN! :)
While the thought of Haven and Snap and all these other awesome looking events is thrilling and exciting and, well, awesome – it's TERRIFYING. I hate meeting new people. I won't speak if I don't know people. Literally – will. not. speak.
I used to miss classes in college because I'd get so worked up about having to talk in class. I would start crying while walking to class, and then just keep on walking because I couldn't face it.
Like Michelle (and others) have said – it seems like this introverted, awkward, loner thing seems to be a trend with bloggers. Which, honestly, makes sense. We need somewhere to chat about our day, our projects, our goals… and if we don't have people to sit down and share with, we turn to the anonymity of the internet.
I definitely want to push myself to go to a conference next year if I can afford it. Maybe all of us awkwards can have our own secret meeting/session to get the freaking-out out of the way ;)
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July 2nd, 2012 at 8:20 pm
thank you, ash! <3 I skipped soooo many classes because of that. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has to go thru this but I’m also sad that people do. I’m so glad I got to meet you thru this blogging though. I’m so up for a secret meeting. ;) Most of you are from IL though. Maybe I can do a trip out there sometime. I have family in Ipava. :) Thanks again! <3 I’d type more but I’m on my phone not my computer.
July 3, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Hey Melanie-
I read this on Friday but didn’t know quite how to word what I wanted to say yet- plus I was on my phone and knew I wouldn’t be able to type it out on there.
First off- good for you for posting about this. It’s such a personal thing to write about and it takes real courage to put yourself out there.
I’m going to write you an email now because I don’t want to write a novel on your wall. lol. But know that I’m amazed by you for taking this leap!
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July 3rd, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Thanks Christine. Looking forward to your email. :)
July 12, 2012 at 9:09 am
I started blogging because I felt super lonely. Andy and I had just moved into the Bungalow, and I was at a stage in my life where none of my friends really felt like “my friends” anymore. Everyone had changed so much. So my blog came to life. I have met so many amazing friends through blogging. And I do call them friends and not just “other bloggers” because they truly are my friends. People that cheer me up when I’m down, that I can go to with my problems, and love me for me. The fact that I found Jes in that blogging world was fate, I’m pretty sure haha. Blogging brings me happiness in my life, and that’s why I do it. Hopefully you are finding happiness as well through your blog :)
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July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 am
It seems like we are all in the same “boat”, everyone felt weird or lonely and started blogging and found happiness thru blogging. :)
I think it’s awesome that you & Jes met, I love reading the daily antics of you two.
I do find happiness thru my blog, if I didn’t – I wouldn’t still be typing these keys.
Thanks for the comment, Shannon. :)
August 17, 2012 at 2:14 pm
I can’t even explain how much I appreciate this post!! I deal with anxiety too, and I absolutely hate it. I try and rely on myself and the support system around me to face it, but sometimes it just feels so lonely to be fighting the battle because they don’t truly “get it”. To read your words and the comments of a few others that face it too, makes me feel a million times better about dealing with this awful issue. Thank you for being so real. :)
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August 17th, 2012 at 2:14 pm
I’m sooo glad so many girls found comfort in this post. Anxiety is such a hard thing to deal with, and feeling like you’re alone is the worst. All of us girls are all here for each other, for sure. If you EVER need anyone to talk to please don’t hesit to email me, or contact me for my number. I love all of you girls, and I’ll always be here for you all. xoxo